This clip is so subversive and wrong. I don't want to smoke ass cigarettes... but a part of me wonders if I would look cooler if I did??
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it....
I am so excited to head back to Toronto for my brother's wedding. They are one of the most compatible couples I know and both have great senses of humour AND will hopefully make me an Auntie soon. I have seen some of the outfits and I predict they will also be the most stylish bride and groom I have seen.
Things I am looking forward to:
- Food from Cuisine of India...yum;
- Dancing with my little sister Jackie;
- Donkey in an Indian kurta (will he wear the curled-toed shoes?);
- Avoiding drama with my Mary J. Blige "No More Drama" umbrella (is this possible at an Indian wedding?);
- Gin;
- My lovely Chicago friends making a rowdy appearance;
- Sneaking away to drink clandestine shots;
- Mugging away in candid shots;
- Wedding cake;
- New saris!!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Louis Vuitton Don
What exactly is wrong with Kayne West?
Seriously. For reals.
I know all that is right with Kayne West:
- Gutsy with his music and not afraid to try new things;
- From Chicago;
- Buys me really cool candy from Japan and we laugh for hours about squid lollipops.
But what is so very very wrong about Kayne West:
- He can't sing live;
- He obviously has his puffy face so far up his own ass that he is suffering from oxygen depravation... or he is high on cocaine.
A message from kwest on Vimeo.
Seriously. For reals.
I know all that is right with Kayne West:
- Gutsy with his music and not afraid to try new things;
- From Chicago;
- Buys me really cool candy from Japan and we laugh for hours about squid lollipops.
But what is so very very wrong about Kayne West:
- He can't sing live;
- He obviously has his puffy face so far up his own ass that he is suffering from oxygen depravation... or he is high on cocaine.
A message from kwest on Vimeo.
So Cute It Makes Me Vomit
My 7:30-5 routine gets me down sometimes... so nothing makes me happier than a lot of vitriolic hatred handed down to the cutest animals this planet has to offer.
Fuck You Penguin is an educational site, it has taught me to hate cute animals because they are obviously trying to take over the world.
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 1, 2008
Oh, now orange isn't cute enough?
What the hell do you think you are doing, Tiger? You are destroying my ability to function as a responsible member of society what with your extremely rare and yet equally extremely cute little appearance. At this point in life you have two choices: grow the fuck up and dye your hair orange like a NORMAL FUCKING TIGER or just jam a knife into my skull and put an end to my misery. Dammit, Tiger. I literally hate you.
The stingray that killed Steve Irwin was cute at some point and look what it did to the beloved Crocodile Hunter? Kittens are adorable, but according to this t-shirt they have treacherous thoughts. And what about the army of puppies that threw that violent military coup in Peru. Never let your guard down.
And this little shit-head is officially the worst offender. Why don't eat the carpet, snore all night long and bark at the neighbours some more? She is essentially Baby Satan wrapped in a fuzzy coat.
Fuck You Penguin is an educational site, it has taught me to hate cute animals because they are obviously trying to take over the world.
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 1, 2008
Oh, now orange isn't cute enough?
What the hell do you think you are doing, Tiger? You are destroying my ability to function as a responsible member of society what with your extremely rare and yet equally extremely cute little appearance. At this point in life you have two choices: grow the fuck up and dye your hair orange like a NORMAL FUCKING TIGER or just jam a knife into my skull and put an end to my misery. Dammit, Tiger. I literally hate you.
The stingray that killed Steve Irwin was cute at some point and look what it did to the beloved Crocodile Hunter? Kittens are adorable, but according to this t-shirt they have treacherous thoughts. And what about the army of puppies that threw that violent military coup in Peru. Never let your guard down.
And this little shit-head is officially the worst offender. Why don't eat the carpet, snore all night long and bark at the neighbours some more? She is essentially Baby Satan wrapped in a fuzzy coat.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You... For Good Reason, You Are Crazy
I have no desire to see this movie. A friend bought me the book for Christmas one year and I found it insulting that she thought I needed the advice.
I will probably never see this movie for many reason: (1) I can't stand the Mac guy; (2) I also hate the guy from Entourage; (3) I hate Drew Barrymore; (4) I basically hate a lot of people in this movie... but this video actually made me laugh.
What other cliches did this video miss? Renee "Squirrel-Face" Zellewegger or Kate Hudson in the lead role. The sweet scent of humiliation? Wind machines? Binge drinking? Goat wrestling?
I might have issues....
I will probably never see this movie for many reason: (1) I can't stand the Mac guy; (2) I also hate the guy from Entourage; (3) I hate Drew Barrymore; (4) I basically hate a lot of people in this movie... but this video actually made me laugh.
What other cliches did this video miss? Renee "Squirrel-Face" Zellewegger or Kate Hudson in the lead role. The sweet scent of humiliation? Wind machines? Binge drinking? Goat wrestling?
I might have issues....
Friday, January 23, 2009
Lil Wayne for President?
This has nothing to do with Lil Wayne and Obama, but I read a review of a Lil Wayne documentary that is playing at Sundance and it sounds bat-shit crazy. Here is the review:
Our eyes have barely adjusted after emerging from the Egyptian Theatre for a packed screening of The Carter, Adam Lough's riveting, all-access Lil Wayne documentary. Here's five things we learned about the rap genius:
1. His first sexual experience was at age 11, in front of a packed house.Wayne teases a 15-year-old hanging out amongst his entourage about his virginity, leading into a graphic retelling of his "rape" ("..and I loved it") at age 11. His older friends ordered the group's Honorary Ho to service the young Dwayne Carter. "That's when I became Lil Wayne," he recalls with bravado—though his eyes suggest he's still a little fucked up from the experience.
2. He never writes anything down.As hard as it is to believe, he stores it all in his head. Nothing gets jotted down. Not lyrics, not thoughts, not ideas for future songs. He has a portable studio that he carries around in a black bag, allowing him to record tracks literally anywhere. He says "with all respect to my man Kurt" (Cobain—a huge influence), he doesn't want his diaries sold after his death.
3. Sippin' on sizzurp is getting to be a problem.Wayne is frequently seen pouring his beloved "syrup" into large bottles of soda and sipping on the deadly concoction. While he defiantly refuses to acknowledge it's an addiction, it's pretty obvious it is. DJ/manager Cortez Bryant, the doc's secondary subject, refuses to get on the tour bus because of how it makes Weezy act.
4. His 12-year-old daughter Reginae has inherited his rap chops.Sitting on her bed and positively beaming with pride over her dad, Weezy's impossibly cute daughter Reginae launches into a flow ("...I'm the heir to the throne...") that would put most aspiring rappers to shame.
5. Lil Wayne For President in 2012.You watch Wayne submit to countless interviews throughout the film, frequently losing patience with their questions ("Do you write poetry?" "Have you ever pictured your own death?"). But one question—"What would be your presidential platform?"—gets a hilarious response, in which the multi-platinum recording artist explains he'd legalize "weed first. I'd do that twice," that he'd "put cocaine back in Coca Cola," "get rid of alimony and prenups," and lift the ban on all steroids and growth hormone in professional sports.
Our eyes have barely adjusted after emerging from the Egyptian Theatre for a packed screening of The Carter, Adam Lough's riveting, all-access Lil Wayne documentary. Here's five things we learned about the rap genius:
1. His first sexual experience was at age 11, in front of a packed house.Wayne teases a 15-year-old hanging out amongst his entourage about his virginity, leading into a graphic retelling of his "rape" ("..and I loved it") at age 11. His older friends ordered the group's Honorary Ho to service the young Dwayne Carter. "That's when I became Lil Wayne," he recalls with bravado—though his eyes suggest he's still a little fucked up from the experience.
2. He never writes anything down.As hard as it is to believe, he stores it all in his head. Nothing gets jotted down. Not lyrics, not thoughts, not ideas for future songs. He has a portable studio that he carries around in a black bag, allowing him to record tracks literally anywhere. He says "with all respect to my man Kurt" (Cobain—a huge influence), he doesn't want his diaries sold after his death.
3. Sippin' on sizzurp is getting to be a problem.Wayne is frequently seen pouring his beloved "syrup" into large bottles of soda and sipping on the deadly concoction. While he defiantly refuses to acknowledge it's an addiction, it's pretty obvious it is. DJ/manager Cortez Bryant, the doc's secondary subject, refuses to get on the tour bus because of how it makes Weezy act.
4. His 12-year-old daughter Reginae has inherited his rap chops.Sitting on her bed and positively beaming with pride over her dad, Weezy's impossibly cute daughter Reginae launches into a flow ("...I'm the heir to the throne...") that would put most aspiring rappers to shame.
5. Lil Wayne For President in 2012.You watch Wayne submit to countless interviews throughout the film, frequently losing patience with their questions ("Do you write poetry?" "Have you ever pictured your own death?"). But one question—"What would be your presidential platform?"—gets a hilarious response, in which the multi-platinum recording artist explains he'd legalize "weed first. I'd do that twice," that he'd "put cocaine back in Coca Cola," "get rid of alimony and prenups," and lift the ban on all steroids and growth hormone in professional sports.
Courtesy of Seth from Defamer.com
Donkey
My husband, aka Donkey just emailed me:
"if you start writing deep stuff about our relationship - using a nice pen name for me - I will blow up the internet.....it's a series of tubes."
It's bananas... B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Unfortunately I don't have any dirt on Donkey... but I will think of something.
Wyatt Cenac - Imaginary friend #1
I want to nominate Wyatt Cenac as my first imaginary friend. I think he is hilarious on The Daily Show and I would be interested in seeing him in something dramatic (I am all about the DRRRAMA). This movie appeals to my girly side, my uterus shrieks a little everytime I indulge it and watch "a chick flick".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi6w2nDfqWc
Watch any of his segments on the Daily Show, he kills me... these are my two favourites:
"I've got TWO MINUTES people!!"
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=189750&title=cenac-election-impatience
You have to wait until 2:03 to see my buddy, but it is worth it to his jokes:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=209420&title=sarah-palin-is-so-dumb...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi6w2nDfqWc
Watch any of his segments on the Daily Show, he kills me... these are my two favourites:
"I've got TWO MINUTES people!!"
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=189750&title=cenac-election-impatience
You have to wait until 2:03 to see my buddy, but it is worth it to his jokes:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=209420&title=sarah-palin-is-so-dumb...
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Cringe worthy words
There are many things that make me cringe. Ben Stiller. Books about adolescences. Ginger in tea. Denture commercials.
There are many words that my friends have been discussing for TWO years that have a sincere reason for being a part of the English language, but they sound dirty. I am proud to finally commit these words to "paper". This has been a project that has titillated my friends and family for a long time and now I will share that list with you, gentle reader.
1) Titillate
2) Moist
3) Succumb
4) Penetrate
5) Succulent
More to come....
There are many words that my friends have been discussing for TWO years that have a sincere reason for being a part of the English language, but they sound dirty. I am proud to finally commit these words to "paper". This has been a project that has titillated my friends and family for a long time and now I will share that list with you, gentle reader.
1) Titillate
2) Moist
3) Succumb
4) Penetrate
5) Succulent
More to come....
Why blog? why now?
I avoided making a blog... I did not want to get sucked into a fad that would make me seem nerdier than I am (or nerdier than most people already think I am). But I can't resist the lure of sharing the funny and random things I see online or in my daily existence in Chicago. My husband has long since banned emails from me during the day unless it is an emergency, while it seems cruel to censor me, I actually understand. If I had freedom I would email all day long. In my mind I think it is crucial to see a mash-up of Forrest Gump and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (apparently they are the same movie), or a posting on Wikipedia about poutine (yum), or a retro Tevin Campbell video.
Even as I type this I had to Google Tevin Campbell, where is that guy? ANSWER: He is working on an album to be released in 2009. Check him out! That mustache is creepy dude.
Even as I type this I had to Google Tevin Campbell, where is that guy? ANSWER: He is working on an album to be released in 2009. Check him out! That mustache is creepy dude.
Hmm... what was I saying?
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